Perhaps, the biggest challenge in life is to control one's mind and heart...protecting oneself from the innermost hatred and discouragement...
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Hatred
Perhaps, the biggest challenge in life is to control one's mind and heart...protecting oneself from the innermost hatred and discouragement...
Monday, February 25, 2008
What a dread...
Lately, Monday has become the day of dread...arggggg!
I am taking two classes to complete my clear credential requirement at csula this quarter. I am happy to go back to school, but it has been a bit overwhelming lately. Anyone who works full time by the day and go to school full-time by night would agree with me. It is fine until you are swamped in assignments, midterms, projects...and final exams around the corner. The classes are relatively easy except I really bombed my midterm in one of my classes due to flu couple weeks ago. Now, I feel really stressed about the sure possibility of not getting an A in that class. ARGGGGGGGGGG!!! What a pity!
Another reason for the dread is that Tuesday is another looooooong day of the week!
I got two rehearsals for two different levels of chamber singers on tuesdays. Also, a student needs extra help during my conference...would it ever stop?! :(
Saturday, February 16, 2008
letting go of certain past...
I am letting go of certain pain today. nothing forgotten, but i forgave myself for allowing the pain to prevail my heart for almost... a year and a half. think i've suffered enough of this particular pain.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Missing iPod ㅜ.ㅜ
I can't find my iPod. I looked everywhere but nowhere to be found. just hoping that it wasn't one of my student who stole it. and if it was, it wasn't stolen, but just an oversight, and accident, or... didn't realize that the iPod belonged to me after all. sniff, sniff...
Saturday, February 2, 2008
Believe My Instinct! Part 1
Whether it's right or wrong, good or bad, individual instinct speaks truth for self. It's relative to personal beliefs, preferences, and most of all, a defensive mechanism for one's security.
Two people from the past became examples why I should listen to my instinct.
A colleague of mine, SK, she was very friendly at first, but I always felt uncomfortable around her for few reasons. Perhaps one of the most self-centered person I ever got to know personally. She seemed to think that her defense wall should be a mile-high when her opinion was challenged. When she started to argue, a Korean word always came to my mind to describe her, 표독스럽다. She is certainly well-dressed and highly into fashion and such, but honestly, one of the least attractive girl I've ever seen. And her self-centered-ness surely contributed...She's well educated, but certainly not the smartest. She often wanted to argue over political issues, but many without sufficient in-depth views. She often wanted to brag about her classical music knowledge, but after such conversations, I couldn't help but laugh about her ignorance and 'know-it-all' attitude.
So, why did I trouble myself to befriended with such person? Because I was extremely guilty of refusing to be her bridesmaid. As silly as it may sound, I spent many years after that incident feeling like an emotional slave to her. I believed her when she said that she understood my situation and no hard feelings, at least that's what she said in front on me. Behind my back, she pretended to be hurt and cried in front of other friends-of that social circle-, causing others to hate me, writing mean emails, and giving cold shoulder to me for many years to come. I found out a little more than a year ago of what has really happened behind me all along.
Why should I put up with such hypocrite? Think I've overpaid her for what I once thought that I owed her. On top of it, she bluntly told me that I was emotionally too fragile to handle the supervising position of anything, but she is emotionally strong and capable of such leadership. What a Byatchy!
Yes, I am sensitive, more than average, but I am an artist after all. A must for all artists is the 'sensitivity'. Therefore, I finally let go of my guilt of not fulfilling that self-centered btcy and moved on. Guess I am writing this to finalize the whole emotional mass that I allowed myself to go through by keeping someone my instinct desperately warned me to stay away from. When some group of people seem to project similar vive toward me, that's the time that I stop and ask. Is this worth it? Do I really need such friends? Or are they?!
Two people from the past became examples why I should listen to my instinct.
A colleague of mine, SK, she was very friendly at first, but I always felt uncomfortable around her for few reasons. Perhaps one of the most self-centered person I ever got to know personally. She seemed to think that her defense wall should be a mile-high when her opinion was challenged. When she started to argue, a Korean word always came to my mind to describe her, 표독스럽다. She is certainly well-dressed and highly into fashion and such, but honestly, one of the least attractive girl I've ever seen. And her self-centered-ness surely contributed...She's well educated, but certainly not the smartest. She often wanted to argue over political issues, but many without sufficient in-depth views. She often wanted to brag about her classical music knowledge, but after such conversations, I couldn't help but laugh about her ignorance and 'know-it-all' attitude.
So, why did I trouble myself to befriended with such person? Because I was extremely guilty of refusing to be her bridesmaid. As silly as it may sound, I spent many years after that incident feeling like an emotional slave to her. I believed her when she said that she understood my situation and no hard feelings, at least that's what she said in front on me. Behind my back, she pretended to be hurt and cried in front of other friends-of that social circle-, causing others to hate me, writing mean emails, and giving cold shoulder to me for many years to come. I found out a little more than a year ago of what has really happened behind me all along.
Why should I put up with such hypocrite? Think I've overpaid her for what I once thought that I owed her. On top of it, she bluntly told me that I was emotionally too fragile to handle the supervising position of anything, but she is emotionally strong and capable of such leadership. What a Byatchy!
Yes, I am sensitive, more than average, but I am an artist after all. A must for all artists is the 'sensitivity'. Therefore, I finally let go of my guilt of not fulfilling that self-centered btcy and moved on. Guess I am writing this to finalize the whole emotional mass that I allowed myself to go through by keeping someone my instinct desperately warned me to stay away from. When some group of people seem to project similar vive toward me, that's the time that I stop and ask. Is this worth it? Do I really need such friends? Or are they?!
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