Leaving it behind...

Luis and I met up for dinner at Cheesecake Factory in Old Towne. I was 30 minutes late, causing him to wait 45 minutes. woops! :D

Anyway... not sure how it all started, but we started to talk about my pathetic social life in the hood. It was a moment of assurance that they are all behind me and I am now ready to move on.

I got him a JYP CD and currently working on a hat project for him. Hmmm...what style/color would suit best this gorgeous friend of mine?! :D Perhaps this is the right time to say this..."Coming Soon!"

Inspiration...

...is often found when least expected.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fQ_ixXnFMu4

Taking a day off from work

Bronchitis is to blame for my day-off today. Currently, I am on 7 different medications. Feels a lot like a chemical disposal myself here. What grief!

Guess the good part of staying at home in the mid-week is that I get to sleep in-yes! sleep in past 5AM- and watch morning talk shows such as 'the view', or just pop in a Korean video. Yes! Korean video. I've been 'hooked on' it for quite a while now. It all started innocently under the excuse of 'researching' the 'Korean trend', but I am now hooked purposelessly. Should I join a 12-step class of K-video rehab. program? Maybe not quite yet!

Anyway, catching up with my blog is another favorite activity on sick-day.
I've been busy getting back in the routine of teaching and rehearsals. My schedule is slowly filling up and getting a bit scary, too. But, worries only cause hair-loss and more winkles, making me frawn even more. What's use of the worries if nothing is fixed. Gotta move on.

Summer over, School starts!

<----Please Click on U-tube Videos Located in Left Column, under the Modigliani.

My summer was quiet but not as peaceful...
Spending summer indoor was relaxing for most part except for being weak and sick. I spent most of my summer home and feeling weak. Excess heat was not helping either. But, the summer is almost gone-although s. calif is baking in heat as I type- and the fall is right around the corner.

I have never felt more resistant to go back to work in my career yet! I am starting my 9th year of teaching career and I am literally burnt out. Maybe a sign that I need to move on and get some fresh air...I gave myself 10 years at erhs, so it may be a good time to start looking for another job soon.

I bought a K-pop CD last week and found a very charming song titiled "다행이다" by a singer named "이 적". I saw him in a k-talk show program few months back and wanted to hear his music. He was fascinating for me and drew my attention, wanting to get to know his musical world. Review? Composition? Typical! Voice? Attractive! Music world? How could I judge it by one song?!

Love and marriage is like a foreign language to me. I don't believe a human could truly love another, esp. men. Maybe that's why I am so amazed that the world is filled with love songs over and over again. Possibly we are pursuing that unattainable fantasy. Perhaps, it's the fantasy come-true for someone like me to have that someone I could love and share along the long road home.

제목: 다행이다
가수: 이 적

그대를 만나고 그대의 머리결을 만질수가 있어서
그대를 만나고 그대와 마주보며 숨을 쉴수 있어서
그대를 안고서 힘이 들면 눈물 흘릴수가 있어서 다행이다
그대라는 아름다운 세상이 여기 있어줘서

거친 바람속에도, 젖은 지붕밑에도 홀로 내팽개쳐져 있지 않다는게
지친 하루 살이와 고된 살아남기가 행여 무의미한 일이 아니라는게
언제나 나의 곁을 지켜주던 그대라는 놀라운 사람때문...이라는 거

그대를 만나고 그대와 나눠 먹을 밥을 지을 수 있어서
그대를 만나고 그대의 저린손을 잡아줄 수 있어서
그대를 안고서 되지않는 위로라도 할 수 있어서 다행이다
그대라는 아름다운 세상이 여기 있어줘서

bridge over troubled water, the bridge to nowhere...

So sad and horrifying accident in Minnesota last week. Over hundreds wounded, 5 (or 6) dead, and with many still missing, over 1400 people gathered for the memorial service to mourn for this tragedy in Minneapolis today.

I am not sure if I could sing 'Bridge over troubled water' with the same feeling again. Also, the alarming information about so many bridges in the US are in serious need of repairs and/or reconstructions.

'Bridge to Nowhere' is a popular local hiking course in S.G.V. area. I met Seon and Linda at this very hike with Frank through Beyond the Base. It's already been...over 2 years since then. That hike led to anywhere but nowhere now that I think about it. I met few very nice folks on this hiking trip and the friendships are continued today. Bridges, regardless of the name, are built under the intention to connect one world to another. Unfortunately, the collapse in Minn. last week has connected the victims to an unintended destination, but hope that this incident would connect the rest of us to a safer place to travel each day and the government to urgently follow-up to prevent further risks and accidents in the future.

Lastly, I pray for those souls to rest in peace in the other realm, and the speedy recovery and new beginnings for those who are wounded, and the divers for their safety while they are under the murky water searching for those who are still missing.

Hostages in Afghanistan

With 23 hostages-18 women- and one man already killed and possible second victim still in investigation...the world is watching closely the progress of this kidnapping incident as I type.

The politics, negotiations, should've, would've, could've are not my concerns here. I am concerned for those South Korean hostages and their families in South Korea helplessly praying at the moment. I heard through the media that the hostages, prior to their departure to Afghanistan trip, each have submitted the death-will to their church administration.

I am not a total stranger to such volunteer trips as myself have gone on couple of these. I went through an extensive preparation to raise the fund and was trained in culture, language, and people of the countries visited. The year I went on a mission trip to S.E. Asia in 1989, the original itinerary was altered due to the Tienanmen Square Protest and Massacre. Although many other such teams still pursued the trip to China that year, the organization which I belonged to at the time have decided that they could not risk any chances with over 40 college students on board.

The young medical volunteer team from S. Korea pursued the trip knowing the high risks they are facing. But, the church and its administrators may have been somewhat relaxed about the risks since they were actively volunteering in Afghanistan last few years-several times a year- and all returned safely prior to this incident.

Regardless, these volunteers went out of their way of comfortable lifestyle in S. Korea, highly aware of the risks they are taking with their own lives, and giving up their vacation time to help the needed in Afghanistan. All the criticisms on these volunteers and their church leaders ... would they have gotten the same criticism if there were no such incident and returned home safely as planned? The negotiation sounds like a catch 22 to me...

I read about the first victim, Pastor Bae, and his 37 year-old wife on the newspaper. She and I are about the same age. As she quietly cry to grieve for her late husband, I see the pain and suffering beyond and within. She could not fully grieve because of the concerns for the rest of the team members as well as the S. Korean media pressure. Taliban may have murdered her husband, but she is suffering twice because the media criticisms are keeping her grief as a hostage. Cannot imagine the amount of pain and suffering a widow is faced in this time of crisis. I symphathize her more so because she and I are on the same timeline of life-cycle.

The medias and the Netizens of S. Korea are very hostile toward the church and accusing them be responsible for everything. Sometimes, things happen against one's plan. It is a difficult time for all and the least anyone could do is to hope and pray for the best!

Neko II

When I first adopted her, she barely weighted 1/2 lb. Yesterday, I weighted her first time since then and found that she is now 3 lbs. strong. Just in a month and a half!

Right now, she's sleeping aside my feet as I work on my computer. She's not much of a lap-cat, but she seems to follow me all over the apartment. She doesn't want to be held most of the time, but she follows me to bed when I go to sleep. The days that we take nap together, I find her remarkably more docile and cooperative than the days we didn't sleep together. No wonder cats are compared to women, not to men! ^^

Single's Habit

http://www.joe-ks.com/archives_jul2006/LatestCellPhone.jpg

There are good habits, bad habits, and then there are single's habits.

One of my worst habit of all as a thirty-something single is that I try getting rid of anything that makes me lonely.

Just like most people I know of, I also carry a cell phone, but with very few incoming calls. Most calls are work-related, but none urgent that I couldn't do it without cell phone or wait until I get home.

Also, my students sometimes misuse the system and call me at the last minute to miss a rehearsal or two. Don't like that very much! They could use text-messages instead if they need to find me at the last minute, but it limits their ability to pursue me with manipulative last-minute excuses. No need to raise my voice over the phone to get them in while I am shuffling around to get myself ready for the rehearsals.

By getting rid of(?) my cell phone, I could kills several birds in one stone.
One less big bill to pay each month, no annoying calls that interrupt my schedule, and most of all, eliminate another evil that makes me lonely. Whether or not to kick this habit is still in debate!

Think twice!

what's district superintendent got to do with me?

i am so frustrated i haven't slept since yesterday. i've made a terrible mistake of agreeing to this gig at the tail-end of the summer with btb at the superintendent's breakfast meeting. why didn't i tell the coordinator that i will have to take time to think before making the commitment? sigh...

i've emailed him yesterday certain that with the plenty of time notice, it'll be ok to cancel, but his email sounded of nothing short of panic. i was upset at first, of course, of his uncooperative tone of the email. now, i am shuffling more reasonable way to get out of it. can't defeat the enemy(?), then work with the enemy. well, at least that's the plan. i've already sent him half a dozen of emails since last email he's sent me last night, or early this morning to be exact. like 1AM this morning.

i don't like media attention nor featuring my singers at political events unless we are handsomely compensated financially, and only during the year, not on my break. this gig features all of the above. it's taking place late august while my students and i are still on summer break. superintendent's reception sounds political enough for me. and worst of all, we will be on TV live! YIKES! why? why didn't i think this through and through.

well, i thought the students may enjoy the media attention and we are not a bad performing group to be advertised through the media, i thought at first. free advertisement and possible recruitment statement such as "our choir was on blah, blah, blah...". and the person asking for this... well, ye know one of those people you really want to be on your side, yes, he's one of them. guess i was greedy and calculative at the moment. a bit of coward for not being able to be above momentary temptations. rather partaking in the sea of opportunity...

so, why am i backing off now? simple! can't get the kids together and practice all summer long. to be more exact, i could do it but not without much frawning and such. i am tired, my advanced singers all graduated, and i am not willing to take the mediocre performance in public eyes. meaning, i have to really choke them up to sing like profesionals in about... a month of time. have you worked with beginning singers in the midst of their adolescent voice changes and make them sing like great singers while their friends are running around the town like loose monkeys, bragging about their 'got nothing to do' free time? if you have, then you know what the damage would be to your soul. also, in the past, i've never encountered problem recruiting students to perform at the last minute, ever! so, choking kids to do something is not my style nor the interest.

also, something changed this year. what changed? ME! i am burnt out, exhausted, grumpy, unwilling to work without pay, and ... afraid that i may truly burn out by going forward with this monsterous(?) rehearsals i may have to run all summer long just to sing couple songs... and of course, i may have to lose extra 10 lbs on top of 20 lbs i've already vowed to lose before the summer ends. ye know the saying about how TV puts up extra 10 lbs on people? hehehehe, ok, ok, i was just kidding about the 10 lbs. part.

still! i don't think this is something worth losing my mind and break-time over while i am seriously tyring to do the teacher soul-searching and rejuvenate for upcoming year! guess what i really need to do this summer is not just vege all day and rest, but rather take an assertion class to accurately identify the issues, recognize the obstables, know my limits, then effectively and clearly state my opinion without fearing to offend others.

btw, is there such thing as an assertion training course? if so, is it designed to teach those things i've mentioned above? or am i too insomniac to think like a reasonable person..., again?!

The Last Concert

...well, that's what he thinks...

Dr. Miyake has announced that tonight's concert will be his last one, ever! we'll see about that.

glamour vs. glaze

To be continued..


http://www.oldapplebarnstore.com/images/_products/iwds/20-4007322.jpg


http://www.blaugallery.com/shop/gallery1_detail.php?artist=2&cat=2&motive=70

Mean Cat!

If you know me well, you should know by now that I am a cat lover. I used to have 3 cats. My first cat, Jesse, was adopted from a local animal shelter. She was a sweet and beautiful Siamese mix. She greeted me when I come home late at night, and liked to cuddle up with me at night. My second cat, Walter, was rescued by an ex-student of mine Lily. According to Lily, Walter followed her to school one morning, then made himself at home in my classroom. 왠 베짱? I tried to get him adopted by another student, but she came back an hour later claiming that Walter threw her a big fit on her way home and wanted to come back to me. Arrrrrrg! Ye know, cats cannot talk... Anyway, she wasn't' totally lying about Walter not wanting to go home with her. He seemed uneasy and nervous. Surprisingly, when she handed him back to me, Walter settled down immediately, sweet as a lamb, so my tender heart couldn't refuse him. I brought him back home with me that night. My third cat Martini was a spontaneous venture. Anyway, none of them are with me now for good reasons.

Tonight, I was attacked by a neighborhood cat. You see I made a huge mistake by feeding the neighborhood cats some time ago. Although it took awhile for them to warm up to me, they are now trained to gather at my doorstep every evening. The problem is that one of the cats, fat & blond, is really aggressive and greedy. It meows at me until I hand over something it wants, CAN FOOD! Huge mistake!!

This fat cat was upset at my meal-plan change tonight-no wet food, it came up to me and scratched my right leg and foot. Imagine a 20 lbs. stray cat attacking you in the middle of the night! Ye know this kinda stuffs only supposed to happen on a Halloween eve. by a black cat. Guess my random act of kindness to these cats has to come to an end. Like those stories about kind, innocent people getting killed by freeway murderers. I don't want to be remembered as the first human killed by a neurotic street cat in...anywhere! Drama! Kekeke...I know... :P

Anyway, tonight I am going to cuddle up(?) with my new kitten if she lets me. Yes! That's right! You read it right. After 2 years of swearing on not getting another cat after that bloody accident, I ended up with another rescued kitten. Raymond, my other ex-student who is headed to European trip in four days asked me if I could take care of this poor sickly cat 2 weeks ago. So, that's how I ended up with a new kitten and a huge vet bill in a nutshell. Anyone interested in adopting her? I didn't think so!

Neko. She is 2 months old. Named by Devin, an Anime Maniac! Neko means 'cat' in Japanese according to her.


Pretty Neko


Neko the Sleeping Beauty

Dr. Miyake

There is the name I haven't heard for few years. He was my mentor professor back in graduate school. Also, I was his administrative and graduate assistant. I learned alot from him. Although I realize that most of his techniques are usuful in my daily practice, yet I feel that he and I have very different ideals of tone color.

He needed an extra singer in his summer choir class. Although I am not always fond of his attitude at times, I gladly offered my help. Now, my Tuesday evenings are booked with choral activity for next 5 weeks. Man... I just gave myself a vacation from Tuesday evening rehearsals...such is my lifestory -|-;;;

Intruders!

One of the worst kind of violence is to experience someone intruding your own space. I could easily say that my place is like a little haven away from all civilization. Although it is located smack in the middle of a downtown, first-time visitors always wonder around in a maze looking for my place. It is peaceful and private and that's how I like it. At the same time, occasionally, things could be alarming.

Few years back, a homeless guy made himself at home in my carport, not only hiding from the rain and wind, but he also drank heavily staring at my window with his red eyes. Now, that's creepy. I was a bit hesitant to chase him out of his new home(?) at first, but my instinct told me that I had to call the police. Besides, I was scared to know that someone is staring at my window.

Last night, someone was peeping into my window.
I went into the kitchen to get a glass of water around 10:30PM. While pouring myself a glass of cold water, I heard water running outside of my apartment. There is this faucet outside my front door, apparently gained some popularity among strangers and it makes me nervous. Anyway, "another stranger" I thought, feeling uneasy. Next thing I've noticed was that my doorknob was gently moving. Now, this is not just water faucet deal. Is someone trying to break in? I quickly went into my bathroom to close the window, also to peep out to see if I could see anyone standing outside. Walla! Someone was suspiciously hiding right outside and staring up! He was about as tall as the bottom of my window with slight receding hair. Maybe in his 50s?

I panicked! Quickly shut the window screaming, "Who's out there?" Of course, there is no response from the outside. By now, I started to tremble... I quickly went into my bedroom, grabbed my cell phone, then call the police. I reported the incident, and the dispatch lady said that two units are on their way so stay inside. I did as I was told, but peeked through the blinds to see if I see any suspicious persons outside. Soon, I hear the helicopter flying around with the lights bright. Wow! guess my city really takes safety seriously~~

Again, I tried to peek through the blinds to see this whole thing, feeling somewhat courageous having the police helicopter flying above me. Boom! All of a sudden, I see the person trying to walk pass my window. Simply panicked, I screamed! scaring the dispatch lady as well as the guy outside. He said something like, "Oh, my ***", then quickly turned back and disappeared where he came from. The voice is somewhat mis-match. The man I saw peeping outside my window was an older man, but the voice I heard was relatively young and calm.

Young or old, nervous or calm, having someone intruding my space was unnerving and unpleasant! So, this evening, I sprayed around my apartment with baby-powder, hoping to trace back the footsteps of the intruder.

PS: This afternoon, I've also witnessed the unpleasant odor coming from my carport was I was getting into my car to pick dinner. SICK! There was #2 in the corner of my carport, still smelling fresh(?)! I called the police and reported that, too. The dispatch lady responded that there is no way of knowing whether or not it is done by the same person. She made it sound like as if I was overacting to all this, but I still had to take caution!

Final Exam

Some endings are awful. It just never ends...anticlimactic!

There are 7 stoles yet to be made but Allan already gave up on it after making the first one...yikes! does this mean that i may end up making it all day tomorrow?--;;;
My suffering needs to have an ending, too. Maybe, I won't make the stoles next year. I will just order them instead!

Las Vegas to Santa Clara

Priority was the theme of today's decision!
I've booked the flight and hotel to enjoy my very first vegas trip ever. Paid for and everything. It was one hot deal I could not resist. I was looking forward to go to Elton John's Concert and bright streetlights as a prelude for 4th of July until...I found a website called MTAC.

Music Teachers Assoc. of California
First of all, why wasn't I ever interested in joining this organization? Second, is this beneficial to further my profession or just another membership fees to pay each year? Third...is this a quality organization or not? Worth a try regardless.

Also, I've decided to join NATS.
National Association of Teachers of Singing
Now, more than 10 years ago, when my voice teacher Patti voluntarily offered me her recommendation to join the NATS, why the h*ll did I not follow through?
Now that I've decided to join this organization, I actually have to work to:
1. find someone who is a member of NATS to get a recommendation letter. In other words, I need to find a voice teacher and start singing again, YIKES!
2. it also means that I need to teach private voice lessons more actively. They require teachers to have minimum 6 private voice students. SIX! Who the h*ll has that kind of time?! I've already declined 4 students due to time-conflicts...should I call them back now? -|-... that reminds me...I missed Phillip's graduation party. Hope he doesn't hold a grudge for too long, hehe. :P
3. I need to be evaluated each year & pay the heavy(?) dues!
4. So, why do I want to join NATS after 10 years? Well, I remember how useful those journals were back when & I am in serious need of articulated & up-to-date pedagogical information about singing.
5. Lastly, I really want to attend the international NATS conference next year in Tennessee.
Oh, well... we'll see!

Anyway, I've changed my itinerary from Vegas to Santa Clara to attend MTAC convention in July. Also, I've enrolled myself to Kodaly's Certification Workshop for 3 wks in July. That should keep me busy and outta trouble for now!

Sleeping Beauty

I know, I know...I got up too late for a Sunday Brunch...nor the Opera "Luisa Ferdinand(sp?)" which I had a season ticket for...nor the play "Shula Bula" which I've won my ticket through mypeopleconnection...

I had a lazy, lazy Sunday.
Last night, I've decided to call up Craig. I've been exhausted for last a month from rehearsals, extra-rehearsals, concerts, gigs, etc. I'd LOVE to say that now the concert is over my life is back, but ain't so lucky. I still have tons of paper works to do for IMPACT, field-trip with Anime Club on Tues, grant meeting with Russell, faculty meeting, final exam preps, graduation prep. Oh, that reminds me that I forgot to attend the graduation meeting on Friday, or is it tomorrow?! **

Bottom line is that I've done the right thing by canceling all activities today and rested. I could always have another Sunday brunch, Opera performances, plays, or training races. The health, on the other hand, is not something that waits for my busy schedule. I'm no fool! And my body tells me every day.

Anita

Anita is a favored lyric soprano in Southern California region. Her career picked up after winning Western Region Metropolitan Opera Competition some time ago. Also a friend of mine. Our friendship started semi-professionally. She and I met in church summer choir.

One Sunday morning, I've decided to go to church after being away from it for some time. There I read a bulletin board announcement recruiting summer choir members. Hmmm... why not! I decided to give a try the next Sunday. There I heard an angelic voice floating above the ground and yes, you guessed it right. It was Anita. We instantly connected through music. I adored her talent, and Anita also liked having me singing beside her. That's how the history began. She teaches voice privately including few of my choir students. I've grown to love her even more after witnessing the progress in my students' performances.

Anita also became a good listener when I needed a pair of ears to hear me out. Also, she is an amazing cook. Her frittata is a heaven of its own! She is now planning a long-awaited wedding with her Fiancé of two years!

Moving In

New space, new home! :)