Think twice!

what's district superintendent got to do with me?

i am so frustrated i haven't slept since yesterday. i've made a terrible mistake of agreeing to this gig at the tail-end of the summer with btb at the superintendent's breakfast meeting. why didn't i tell the coordinator that i will have to take time to think before making the commitment? sigh...

i've emailed him yesterday certain that with the plenty of time notice, it'll be ok to cancel, but his email sounded of nothing short of panic. i was upset at first, of course, of his uncooperative tone of the email. now, i am shuffling more reasonable way to get out of it. can't defeat the enemy(?), then work with the enemy. well, at least that's the plan. i've already sent him half a dozen of emails since last email he's sent me last night, or early this morning to be exact. like 1AM this morning.

i don't like media attention nor featuring my singers at political events unless we are handsomely compensated financially, and only during the year, not on my break. this gig features all of the above. it's taking place late august while my students and i are still on summer break. superintendent's reception sounds political enough for me. and worst of all, we will be on TV live! YIKES! why? why didn't i think this through and through.

well, i thought the students may enjoy the media attention and we are not a bad performing group to be advertised through the media, i thought at first. free advertisement and possible recruitment statement such as "our choir was on blah, blah, blah...". and the person asking for this... well, ye know one of those people you really want to be on your side, yes, he's one of them. guess i was greedy and calculative at the moment. a bit of coward for not being able to be above momentary temptations. rather partaking in the sea of opportunity...

so, why am i backing off now? simple! can't get the kids together and practice all summer long. to be more exact, i could do it but not without much frawning and such. i am tired, my advanced singers all graduated, and i am not willing to take the mediocre performance in public eyes. meaning, i have to really choke them up to sing like profesionals in about... a month of time. have you worked with beginning singers in the midst of their adolescent voice changes and make them sing like great singers while their friends are running around the town like loose monkeys, bragging about their 'got nothing to do' free time? if you have, then you know what the damage would be to your soul. also, in the past, i've never encountered problem recruiting students to perform at the last minute, ever! so, choking kids to do something is not my style nor the interest.

also, something changed this year. what changed? ME! i am burnt out, exhausted, grumpy, unwilling to work without pay, and ... afraid that i may truly burn out by going forward with this monsterous(?) rehearsals i may have to run all summer long just to sing couple songs... and of course, i may have to lose extra 10 lbs on top of 20 lbs i've already vowed to lose before the summer ends. ye know the saying about how TV puts up extra 10 lbs on people? hehehehe, ok, ok, i was just kidding about the 10 lbs. part.

still! i don't think this is something worth losing my mind and break-time over while i am seriously tyring to do the teacher soul-searching and rejuvenate for upcoming year! guess what i really need to do this summer is not just vege all day and rest, but rather take an assertion class to accurately identify the issues, recognize the obstables, know my limits, then effectively and clearly state my opinion without fearing to offend others.

btw, is there such thing as an assertion training course? if so, is it designed to teach those things i've mentioned above? or am i too insomniac to think like a reasonable person..., again?!